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2 months, & this coming monday marks the end of my probation. I really cannot imagine to be alone though i know i have to. but it just seems that im still not mentally prepared for it. There's still stuffs that im still in doubt of, there's still stuffs that i still need someone to be there to double confirm with. I really have no confident to manage my patients solely.

I knew i was a really introvert and self reserved and awkward person but i didn't knew it was to this extend.'I seriously don't know what's wrong with me and what's holding me back. But what im sure was, this isnt what i want. Probably, I was afraid of being judge, being judge for being too fake, maybe i just don't know how should i start to communicate. But after typing out the one whole load of reasons, all of it just doesnt makes any sense. But one of it may be true. Im afraid of being judged by her. I don't wanna be see as someone who doesn't know my stuffs well enough. I knew she was nice and she is really nice!! I feel so protected under her and when i started working under staffs who aren't as nice as her, i started to see my weakness much more clearer. And when i realized that i've to rely on her more than anybody else. but it was kinda too late. But i knew, she will always be the first in line who will be more than willing to guide and help me more than anyone elses will.

Jiayou jiawen. Don't be afraid. You gotta know that you've to learn.

- Don't be afraid of being judge, everyone has been judged it's just whether they know it or not.
- Don't be afraid to show your weakness but to a certain extend.
- Learn to trust people, but trust the right people.
- Be more confident of yourself, you'll be alone soon.

No one knows you better than you do, shutting yourself and thoughts up aren't gonna help you in communicating, others wont even know what's up on your mind. That won't help in facilitating in your working process.

Most importantly, learn to speak up more. No one's gonna judge you at what you are talking as long as what you talk are appropriate enough. So just join in any conversation.