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Design: doughnutcrazy
Icon: morphine_kissed
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Song that is totally to the mood:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FtnaKVsRf3Y

Too much to handle? Not really.

Pinning too high hope and expectations when our current status have yet to be stable to progress further.

Have yet to understand each other better. But it just seems that both of us are facing the same personality problem and it seems that we are not meant for each other.

Too much of awkwardness which we have yet to overcome but we have already expect too much from each other. Indeed, im a poor conversationist but also a poor responder. That show how much of initiative i have lack of.

Which that lead to all existing problems to develope. He is tired of trying, to initiate, sick of our awkwardness. Thus that urge me to start initiating. Blame it on girls'sixth sense or i've been thinking too much. But things are obviously not feeling the same anymore.

Im not his priority to meet anymore. ".. should be free" "not free.. because he have events with friends". He totally gave up on initiating for meet ups and texts. Trust me, when he want me to start initiating, it really make me think that i should and a little regret that i've always been taking things for granted and happily receiving from him. But i've not been a poor responder to all his requests, texts and meetups.

But that's what is lacking from him. No more prompt reply.And Whatsapp "last seen" feature is really being of much bitch that have became the main disturbance to my mood. No more initiatives from him. Are these too much to even asked for? Hinting or giving me his honesty that " I'm not a good guy". Probably I've bene reading too much into words. But feeling just tell me everything just dont feel right anymore.

Nothing is motivating enough for me to move on. We have the same personality. Too quiet till we are comfortable with that particular person. And im much of a boring person. We spent most of our meet up for movies and so far with only 2 proper dinner date. How to communicate? That could also be the reason why we are still awkward with each other.

Life as a girl who have been single for her whole 21 years and dont know what she exactly want from a boy. But too much of dramas with happy dates, happy endings have given her too much to dream and expect from. I've so much that i wanna do with him. But reality always hit me with the truth that he is just your friend, not your boyfriend. That hold me back.

I'm always not in the right position to request or ask anything from him, cause we are just- Friends. But probably something more and less than a friend.

What actually further hit me to the bottom is, I'm not his priority to spend his 21st with apart from his family. No reply, I continue to initiate. But couldn't celebrate even on the night before, actual day (night). #lifeasanurse #shiftworksuck. Could only celebrate with him the dat after before his book in. I could have agree to it but I didnt.

Trust me, by reading at all the above, what could be motivating enough for you to carry on to initiate? It's not like i didnt try at all. I've tried, but the way he respond and react really make me utterly disappointed. There's really nothing that I could look forward to, nothing that I could ask for, nothing that I could carry on with my one party initiation. I'JUST TOO TIRED WITH ALL THESE.

Time to give up and move on.

It's never easy. Never, never easy. Afterall, he is the first guy that 've feel so much for, the first guy that i've put in the most effort and feeling for. The first guy that i actually initiate for meet ups and texts. The first guy that can catually bring my mood and emotions up a roller coaster ride, that can actually affect my mood for work. The first guy that I really wsh to hear from the first thing when i wake up in the morning and the last thing before i head to bed. The first guy that actually gave my heart premature ventricular contractions whenever we are close tgt or waiting for replies. The first guy that have given me so much to remember. The first guy that I actually want us to start and last.

I can cry, I can hide and isolate myself from friends, events and social networks associated with him. I can feel low at work that i need to feel busy to forget everything and numb myself from feeling all these pain.

But, life gotta move on. Thankful to all the friends and colleagues that I've with me. I will learn to handle all these shits myself. If this is the process that we have to go through to grow up, I will learn to. I might not stand strong enough to handle all these myself now, but I believe I eventually will.

Probably I will get to think of you most of the time, sometimes, occassionally. Probably my heart and mind might still not be in the right state to be friends with you.

But over some time, everything will turn out to be fine and things, heart, mind will all be back in place. Continue to search for your happiness, i might not be able to give you the blessings if you are finding soon, but trrust me, i will learn to.

I will learn to let go and accept the truth that we are just not meant for each other.Will be officially giving you up after pasisng you your birthday gifts though was initially looking forward to spend it with you, but not anymore.

Goodbye.